General Jackass
by MotatoPotato
Summary: SJ. Vignette 17. Two old war buddies and an unattended cell phone...


**Title: **General Jackass

**Author: **MotatoPotato

**Spoilers: **Matter of Time

**Season: ** 10

**Warnings: **SJ Ship. Companion to '_Satisfaction'. _Language, innuendo.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Sadly. I only twist what is there.

**Notes: **This is seventeenth in a series of same universe vignettes. I'm getting a little blocked…so if you have a challenge...feel free :)

**Please let me know what you think….It's how I improve!! Enjoy.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack was frowning slightly as he stood totally focused, his brow furrowed in an uncharacteristic show of indecision. He stared intently, squinting at his target. //Crap, I just don't know!// He leaned slightly forward concentrating on the scene in front of him.

//Better just take 'em both out.//

Jack lifted a case of Guinness Draught and one of Guinness Extra Stout into his cart, smirking to himself.

Daniel came up behind him and peered into the cart. He snorted. "Got enough there, Jack?"

The General considered him for a moment. "You're right. I should grab another case."

Daniel rolled his eyes good naturedly. "You know you do need some actual food for this little thing…" But stopped abruptly when they heard a voice behind them.

"Jack O'fuckin' Neill?" Both Jack and Daniel turned to face two men around forty, each holding cases of beer in their hands.

Jack's eyes narrowed. "Sully? Bartlett?"

The two men smiled wider. Bartlett, who had a shock of graying black hair slapped Jack on the back. "How the hell are ya?!"

The other man, Sully, smirked. "You look…older…"

Jack mock scowled. "Easy, fella." He clapped a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "This is Daniel Jackson."

They both nodded at Daniel.

"Danny, the blonde jarhead is Roger Sullivan, and this little shrub is Andy Bartlett. We served together in the gulf."

Daniel caught the tiny twitch in Jack's eye. His brow furrowed at Jack's distress. He filed it away for later.

Jack glanced down at his watch. "You guys gonna be in the Springs long?"

Bartlett nodded. "A couple of days. Sully's sister lives here, needed some help movin' so I came along for the ride."

Jack grinned. "Great. A couple of buddies are dropping in for dinner at my place tonight. You guys should come by."

Sully looked surprised and glanced over at Bartlett for confirmation. "Sounds good."

O'Neill nodded and scribbled his address out. "Anytime after 1800, men."

They mock saluted in perfect synchrony. "Yes fearless leader, Sir!" Bartlett barked smartly.

Daniel noted the startled looks from the other shoppers with amusement. He lifted his hand in acknowledgement as the two soldiers left he and Jack to their shopping.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sully pulled his sister's car up to the address Jack had given them. Bartlett looked thoughtful. "I wonder what Jack is doing living in the Springs? Not working at NORAD that's for damn sure!"

Sully guffawed. "That'll be the day. Must've retired." He rang the bell as they reached the door.

Bartlett grinned. "Wonder if we'll finally get to meet Sara and his kid?" He remembered the way Jack's face would light up when he got a letter, brag when he got a picture of his son. He remembered being so envious.

Andy was always surprised by the man. He was loyal and humorous, a leader with an almost freaky intuitive sixth sense. Unconventional. As far as he was concerned, Jack had been the best CO he'd ever served under. He was glad they'd run into him.

They were interrupted when the door swung open, looking up at a tall bulky man wearing a fedora. He looked down at them with a suspicious gleam in his eyes.

Sully, managing to shake the startled silence, said "Uh, we're friends of Col. O'Neill's. He invited us over…" //Man am I glad I'm level three advanced…//

Teal'c's eyes narrowed. "_Col. _O'Neill?"

Bartlett looked slightly put out. "Lt. Col. O'Neill? Or did he manage to blind the brass into giving him the full bird?" Both visitors smirked at Bartlett's little joke.

Teal'c looked painfully unamused. "GeneralO'Neill will be back shortly. There is a disturbing lack of jello."

Sully gasped, his eyes huge. "Jack made Brig. General?!"

"Jack O'Neill? The big mouthed 'I'm stickin' it to the man' Jack O'Neill?" Bartlett asked in disbelief.

"Actually," Daniel said, appearing behind Murray, "He's a Major General." Pulling Teal'c out of the doorway so that they could enter. He almost laughed at the total stupor the revelation inflicted on the poor guys.

Teal'c gave them his subtle equivalent of a glare and preceded them as they stepped into the living room.

Sully looked around suddenly stopping, a smirk starting to spread on his face. He nudged his buddy. "Hey Andy,"

Bartlett looked where he was nodding at a woman stepping into the house through some sliding glass doors.. "Whoa."

"I'm going in, soldier." Sully turned on heel and made his way over to the kitchen where she had just disappeared.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sully stopped in front of the blue eyed woman. "What on earth would such a pretty woman be doing in the company of an ass such as O'Neill?"

She looked nonplussed. Before she could say anything he stuck out his hand. "Lt. Col. Roger Sullivan."

She looked amused. "I've worked with him for ten years." Carter stuck out her hand. Lt. Col. Sam Carter." She paused, enjoying his look of surprise immensely. "How do you know Jack?"

Sully got an odd look on his face. "Served together during Desert Storm. Jack was my CO." He paused an unreadable expression flitting over his features. "He's a damn fine soldier."

His eyes were haunted.

Sam looked concerned. "You okay?"

Sully blew out a breath. "Yeah, just remembering." They stood in silence a minute. "He saved my life you know,"

She smiled softly. "That doesn't surprise me one bit."

It didn't. She knew better than anyone the lengths Jack would go to, even at his personal expense, to protect those under his command. Jack was a great man, she acknowledged that. He was also a cranky SOB, an ass, stubborn, infuriating.

It disturbed her that she loved that side of him as she loved the other facets. Oh well. She loved him and that was that.

He grinned at her words, and then it faded. "He wouldn't leave me…he got me out. Only he got hit. Then Cromwell, his 2IC, ordered us out without him."

Sam's lips tightened. "I see…the whole POW…"

He grimaced. "Yeah. Jack's an ass, but he's the best CO I ever had. I can kinda see why they made him a…" He looked distastefully at the floor. "Two-Star."

Sam laughed then. "He is a great leader. And a great big ass."

Sully gave her a charming grin. "I knew I liked you!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Andy watched his friend chatting with the woman, he drifted to the mantle where photos cluttered the long shelf. He smiled at a picture of a little boy smiling mischievously up with big brown eyes at the camera, chocolate smeared all over his face.

He scanned down the line, seeing none of Sara. There was a random one of a blonde man and woman with two teenage kids.

There were however a bunch of photos with Jack, the guy he had met earlier, the scary man (Murray?) and the blonde woman. Sometimes with a teenage girl, or two different balding men.

A couple with a weird smiling guy, always with a banana in hand.

In every one they looked relaxed and happy. There were a few where it was obvious someone had been the butt of a joke; the other three hysterical with mirth.

Well, maybe not Murray.

The one where …//Daniel, that's it!// had a stormy look and a pair of deep blue lips testified to it.

Then he came to one that made him pause. Jack, Daniel and the blonde woman were standing out in the backyard. Jack leaning on the porch rail with his arms crossed on his chest, a half smirk on his face. By the hysterical tears and bend at the waist of the other two, Andy could tell Jack had imparted one of his gems.

It was expression in his ex-CO's eyes however that really made him look hard. He started as Daniel came over to look at them with him. Andy didn't look at him, but said softly "He loves her, doesn't he?"

Daniel with a smile in his voice simply said "Yeah."

"Poor bastard."

Daniel's forehead wrinkled. "Why's that?"

"Falling for a woman way out of his league." Then Bartlett frowned. "What about Sara?"

Daniel sounded a bit surprised. "Divorced about eleven years ago."

"No kidding? What about their boy? He go with her? I bet it broke Jack's heart…O'Neill worshipped that kid."

The soldier thought of the proud displaying of every new photo Sara sent Jack. How he glowed with pride.

When Daniel didn't answer he turned to look at him. The archaeologist sighed. "Charlie died."

Andy looked at his feet, a wave of sympathy and horror erasing any chance of an immediate response. Poor bastard.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jack pushed through the door with his bags filled with boxes of jello and junk foods. He also balanced a cake in one hand. "Bartlett! Get your sorry ass over here!"

Andy strolled over, covering his shock. "Cake me."

Jack smirked and handed over the large cake, heading to the kitchen where Sully and Sam were still talking. "Hey Carter."

Sam gave him a brilliant smile. "Jack."

She moved over and kissed him, then reached up to smooth one of the rogue tufts of silver hair.

They missed Sully and Andy exchanging open mouthed looks.

"Guys, this is my wife, Sam Carter." He smiled and continued introductions. He hadn't missed the incredulous reactions as he'd said 'wife'.

Ha. He didn't care. He knew Sam was way out of his league. He also unequivocally knew they belonged together. One of life's jokes he supposed. Whatever. It worked in his favor, who was he to object.

Sully recovered first. "Congrats you ass. Always getting the gorgeous ones!"

Sam turned a little pink while Jack gave her a smile. "Yes, well."

Sully shrugged and excused himself, wandering out into the living room to chat with the others.

Andy leaned against the counter and watched them move in synchrony as they put away the food and started to make jello.

"You guys work together long?" He could already tell they'd been working closely for some years by the silent, fluid movements.

Sam answered. "I was his 2IC in the field for seven years, then one year when he got promoted to base commander."

//Seven years?!// He wondered how they'd managed to keep the team together for so long.// Andy smirked. "And now?" Immediately regretting it when they both almost imperceptibly wilted.

"I'm at the Pentagon now." Jack looked tired as he spoke.

Andy nearly had a heart attack. "You…you're joking, right?!"

Sam burst out laughing. "He's an unlikely diplomat. But he's the best at what he does. He knows how to turn the whole thing into a tactical assault. You should see him in action!" She snickered again. "Jack's an endless well of surprises."

Andy snorted. "I'll watch the news for the inevitable international incident."

Jack glared. "I'll have you know…I need a drink." He headed out of the room.

Sam grinned at Andy. "I'll be right back. I gotta grab something from the grill."

Sully was back as she was leaving. "That guy Murray is a little strange. Strange and scary."

Andy grunted. "Wuss."

Sully looked around when Jack's cell phone began to ring. He went over and looked at the screen which read 'The Man'.

Andy frowned. "Bad idea."

Sully chuckled and picked it up. "Helleeww?"

_"Jack?"_

"Who may I ask is calling?"

_There was a surprised pause. "Henry Hayes."_

Sully rolled his eyes. "Right. And I'm Richard Dean Anderson."

_"Who is this?" The voice was amused._

"Santa."

_There was laughter. "Where's Jack?"_

"Oh. He's grilling the Easter bunny. Says he'll taste like chicken."

_Henry snorted. "Can I speak to the heartless bastard?"_

"I'll see if he's done feeding the unicorns, Mr. President." His voice was dripping with good humored sarcasm.

_Hayes snickered. "Would you?"_

Andy was watching with wide eyes. Sully didn't know Jack worked at the Pentagon.

"Jack! Jack!"

O'Neill stuck his head in. "What?!"

"There's some nut that says he's the Prez on the phone."

Jack started laughing. He came over and took the phone. "Sir?"

Sully looked confused.

_"Hello Jack. New phone monkey?"_

"Yeah, sorry, some old buddies from the gulf." He listened a moment.

_"Jack I need you to finish and send the reports in on the talks with China."_

"Can that wait until I get back to D.C?" Jack sighed and tapped his fingers on the counter.

_"Jack I could really use a resolution asap."_

Sully was now looking a little panicked. Bartlett was heaving with silent laughter, tears streaming down his face. Sully punched him.

"Look, I haven't had a break in a month. Let me have my weekend to be with my wife. It's not urgent…" He cocked his head and rocked on his heels as he listened.

_"Alright, Jack. But I need it the second you get back."_

"Thanks Sir. I'll see you bright and early on Tuesday." He snapped the phone shut.

Sully was standing stock still with his jaw at his feet. "Did I just…"

Jack smirked. "Yep. Don't worry. He's always wanted to speak to McGyver."

Sully groaned.

Bartlett was still choking with laughter. "You dumbass!"

"The ID said 'The Man!' How was I supposed to know!"

Jack snorted. "That's what ya get for answering my phone, ya shrub!"

Sully glared. "I am _not_ a shrub, General Jackass."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam was sitting on the arm of Jack's patio chair, as everyone sat around the table chatting. She draped an arm around his neck and started to stroke the warm skin. She felt the slight shiver.

Jack felt like closing his eyes. Her fingers did unbelievable things to him, even in an innocent touch. He leaned into her warm fingers and looked around the table at his two best friends and two old buddies laughing and mocking like they were old cronies.

He looked up at Sam, his beautiful brilliant wife, and offered her a small smile. She grinned back, and he let a little of his mischievous mood slip into his eyes.

Her breath caught and Jack smiled, dimples slashing his jaw. He felt Sam shake a bit, twisting his hair gently. He recognized the promise.

Ha. Still got it.

He sat and watched, thinking about baseball until everyone departed.

Evil woman.


End file.
